So I went to see the therapist I was seeing last spring. I really truly like her and knew after my experience with the Psychiatrist at the Bariatric Center, I had to get back on the horse and see someone I liked and trusted.
It was a good decision. We spent the time talking about the Bariatric experience and she reassured me that how the Psychiatrist made me feel wasn't ok. We processed that and we talked about ways in which I could improve my quality of life, especially with this incredible surgery coming around the bend. We talked about Positive Self Talk. I told her that I've tried it a million times but that every time I try, the evil voice in the back of my head will make fun of my Positive Talk Self. So.....we changed it around a bit and this week I've been trying to practice Realistic Self Talk. So instead of saying, "I'm lazy..." I say things like, I'm really busy and exhausted. I get up at 4:30 to go to work for 6:30 and I work til 4:00 and the have to drive an hour home, then do homework with Izzy and then cook dinner and then correct papers. I don't have a lot of extra time....and even though I could put more thought into house work....I'm not lazy.
I've been trying this but after a pretty trying vacation week where I didn't get enough sleep (long story) and I ate like shit...I feel like I'm back to baseline. So I have another appointment with her on Wednesday. I'm going to get healthy one way or another....I'm just glad I have the support system I have.
My follow up from my endoscopy as been moved until Friday the 13th. So, just 2 more weeks until I move into another step of the process!! Wooohooo...movin' on up!
Monday, December 2, 2013
Wednesday, November 27, 2013
You Want to Put What Where?
Oh...the joys of committing to a surgery that requires you to go through tests that are miserable. Yesterday I went to Fletcher Allen (the actual hospital) and had an Endoscopy and an Esophogram. Neither were pleasant. I did amazingly well with the IV even though I thought I was going to have to give the nurse a tutorial on my vein structure....which in every sense of the word suck. She'd point to a vein and I'd say...that one collapses and she's poke another one and I'd say, "Yeah, it looks good now but the second you put a needle in it disappears." Most nurses smile politely at me and say, 'Oh dear....I'm a pro at this..." and then continue to stick me 15 times until they realize that I wasn't pulling their leg. Fortunately for me...I got this kick ass nurse that listened to me and finally found a vein in my hand. She did a lot of flicking of that vein which kinda toughened me up for the needle prick. Once that was in and the color had returned to my face, I settled in. The nurse and resident surgeon came to bring me to the procedure room where the nurse went over a few things. First, I was going to have to swallow this stuff that would numb the back of my throat (gag reflex). Then, she would give me sedatives and have me roll on my side. Then they would put a mouthguard in to protect the scope and my teeth (I bet my teeth are worth more) and then wahlah...scope and done.
The surgeon was running late but arrived in perfect form and was very calm and reassuring. They had me swallow this gross freakin' goo that had the consistency of rubber cement and tasted worse. But FIRST they had me "swish" it around. Are you freakin' kidding me? I couldn't swish that shit around if I had a cement mixer. But I humored her and did what she said...until she told me to swallow in which case I almost vomited. I'm such a lovely patient. She received her order from the doctor to drug me up (in which case I was practically begging to be loopy so I could forget the phlegm goo I just swallowed.). She gave me two different meds (which I like to refer to as almost sleepy time and relax, it will be over soon meds.) I remember the doctor talking the resident through the first part of the procedure and then I proceeded to gag and try to vomit up the scope. They removed it and I heard the doctor say, "Nurse...more please" and she shot me up with more of the giggle juice. The rest of the procedure is foggy but I do remember feeling the scope in my throat and then feeling them pull it out. Nightmare material...but not painful.
They wheeled me out, let me "recover" for like 10 minutes and then got me moving. It wasn't enough recovery time....I wanted to enjoy the lala land for a bit more but I guess they needed the bed. At least it felt like it with the urgency in which they made me sit up. After that procedure was over, I made my way to radiology for the Esophagram. (I'm totally making that name up by the way....I think it sounds like that....but either way, they were taking xrays of my inside) When I got there I had to undress AGAIN and get into their embarrassing ass hanging out mumu's. I was then escorted by an xray tech into the xray dungeon. They proceeded to tell me what they were going to do to me. I can explain it this way....it was like being pressed in a sandwich press and then being forced to drink a glue like substance that tastes like ass (barium) and then fizzy water, then more barium, then watered down barium, then more of that...then water. It was like I was being stuffed and then flattened. Not the best of conditions but the techs were awesome and they made me feel as comfortable as they could. When that was done...I finally was able to leave.
I did work myself up for these procedures but I made it through in one piece. The result sheet says I have a hernia of some kind (I know that it involves my stomach and esophagus...one is being pushed into the other) and the other is gastritis...which I'm assuming is because I'm a stressball and probably am developing an ulcer. I'm not sure how this effects my surgery outlook but I'm hoping its just a small bump.
It seems like this road to the surgery is full of loops and hills but the team I'm working with is extremely knowledgeable and personable. I have a follow up appointment next week and will fill you in on my therapy session next time I write. :)
The surgeon was running late but arrived in perfect form and was very calm and reassuring. They had me swallow this gross freakin' goo that had the consistency of rubber cement and tasted worse. But FIRST they had me "swish" it around. Are you freakin' kidding me? I couldn't swish that shit around if I had a cement mixer. But I humored her and did what she said...until she told me to swallow in which case I almost vomited. I'm such a lovely patient. She received her order from the doctor to drug me up (in which case I was practically begging to be loopy so I could forget the phlegm goo I just swallowed.). She gave me two different meds (which I like to refer to as almost sleepy time and relax, it will be over soon meds.) I remember the doctor talking the resident through the first part of the procedure and then I proceeded to gag and try to vomit up the scope. They removed it and I heard the doctor say, "Nurse...more please" and she shot me up with more of the giggle juice. The rest of the procedure is foggy but I do remember feeling the scope in my throat and then feeling them pull it out. Nightmare material...but not painful.
They wheeled me out, let me "recover" for like 10 minutes and then got me moving. It wasn't enough recovery time....I wanted to enjoy the lala land for a bit more but I guess they needed the bed. At least it felt like it with the urgency in which they made me sit up. After that procedure was over, I made my way to radiology for the Esophagram. (I'm totally making that name up by the way....I think it sounds like that....but either way, they were taking xrays of my inside) When I got there I had to undress AGAIN and get into their embarrassing ass hanging out mumu's. I was then escorted by an xray tech into the xray dungeon. They proceeded to tell me what they were going to do to me. I can explain it this way....it was like being pressed in a sandwich press and then being forced to drink a glue like substance that tastes like ass (barium) and then fizzy water, then more barium, then watered down barium, then more of that...then water. It was like I was being stuffed and then flattened. Not the best of conditions but the techs were awesome and they made me feel as comfortable as they could. When that was done...I finally was able to leave.
I did work myself up for these procedures but I made it through in one piece. The result sheet says I have a hernia of some kind (I know that it involves my stomach and esophagus...one is being pushed into the other) and the other is gastritis...which I'm assuming is because I'm a stressball and probably am developing an ulcer. I'm not sure how this effects my surgery outlook but I'm hoping its just a small bump.
It seems like this road to the surgery is full of loops and hills but the team I'm working with is extremely knowledgeable and personable. I have a follow up appointment next week and will fill you in on my therapy session next time I write. :)
Sunday, November 24, 2013
Faster Than a Speeding Locomotive
I went to my first surgeon/nutritionist appointment Friday. I was a little nervous because of the whole Psychiatrist thing. However, after weighing in (and being completely embarrassed about my weight - 184.00)...I met the surgeon. He's this jolly guy who is a bit roundish and had big rough hands. When he shook my hand he looked right in my eyes....and I respect someone for that. I'm awful at it. We sat down, he explained risks and benefits of the surgery and I asked him a few questions. He was straight forward and honest and I can't tell you enough how awesome that was for me. I was reassured when he left the room and had me wait for the nutritionist.
The nutritionist is a older woman who has an easy smile. Her name is Ellen and either way I'm going to get to know her very well so I may as well like her. She makes it easy. She explained that the goal of my pre-surgery program was to lose 1/2 pounds a week until the surgery or about 5 percent of my weight which comes to 14 pounds. She is having me keep a daily food journal (which I will start Wednesday because I have to fast tomorrow from noon on for my Endoscopy [info coming later]) I think I'll probably use FitnessPal since I am familiar with it. She also gave me this Calorie King book that lists just about every food in the world (including restaurants and ethnic eating) and its calorie and carb content. I also have to work on my exercise. Which right now is nonexistent. I was doing well until the summer and then I just gave up. I have to work my way back to this program. She wants me doing 150 minutes a week of cardio. Right now I can't imagine walking 20 minutes. But I'm going to do it. I want to dedicate myself to this. And also, I have to.....I have to change my life and my mindset. I'm lazy because I'm so overweight. Everything hurts when I walk or climb stairs. I have no idea how I got this way.....but self-pity isn't going to help.....doing something about it is. She'd like me to have as many veggies and fruits as possible and to eat no more than 4-5 times a day. And NO GRAZING!!! So I basically have to eat about 1200-1400 calories a day with exercise equaling about 150 minutes a week. (which honestly is nothing in comparison to what I used to do every morning)
At the end of the appointment with the nutritionist I sat down with the scheduler Bobbi (who ROCKS and is wicked funny). She got me into the next phase of my pre-surgery routine so quickly. Tuesday I am going to Fletcher Allen to have an Endoscopy and an Esophagram. The Endoscopy is an upper one and they will be giving me numbing meds for the back of my throat and then a heavy sedative for when the procedure will take place. They will put a scope (camera) down my throat and will show the surgeon images of the lining of my esophagus, stomach and upper duodenum. Of course I've read all the literature on it and am scared shitless. Honestly....I've worked myself up into a frenzy so that even Troy asking me how much the groceries were made me break into tears. The reason I'm having this is to see if I have a certain bacteria inside my stomach (they are taking a biopsy while they are in there) and to see if I have anything else that may become a complication during the surgery. I'm going to have an IV placed in me (yeah....another thing that sends me a bit into a frenzy) and the procedure goes like this: I will arrive, change into one of those ass showing gowns of embarassment. Then I will be asked to swallow a special type of paste that will numb my throat. This will help suppress the need to cough or gag when the endoscope is inserted. I will be given a combination of a sedative (for "relaxing") and a narcotic (for pain). I may insist they give me more of everything or I may have a panic attack. I'm high maintenance. I will have a mouth guard on to protect my teeth and the endoscope (I have a feeling the latter is more important to them) and then I will have to lie on my left side (no fucking idea why.) I guess the exam only lasts 5 minutes. Thank Freakin God. I'll have to wait to eat until after I get my gag reflex back (oh the inappropriate things I could say right now.) but I guess I don't have to worry about that because I am going right in to have an Esophagram. This is a test that looks at the throat going down into the stomach. I will have to drink 8 ounces of barium. This exam takes 30 minutes. More need of anxiety medication.
So tomorrow at noon I have to start fasting. I'm hoping I can just sleep most of the rest of the day after work tomorrow.....or I may kill someone. Hunger makes me homicidal.
:) That's the update. I'll write more after my experience Tuesday.
The nutritionist is a older woman who has an easy smile. Her name is Ellen and either way I'm going to get to know her very well so I may as well like her. She makes it easy. She explained that the goal of my pre-surgery program was to lose 1/2 pounds a week until the surgery or about 5 percent of my weight which comes to 14 pounds. She is having me keep a daily food journal (which I will start Wednesday because I have to fast tomorrow from noon on for my Endoscopy [info coming later]) I think I'll probably use FitnessPal since I am familiar with it. She also gave me this Calorie King book that lists just about every food in the world (including restaurants and ethnic eating) and its calorie and carb content. I also have to work on my exercise. Which right now is nonexistent. I was doing well until the summer and then I just gave up. I have to work my way back to this program. She wants me doing 150 minutes a week of cardio. Right now I can't imagine walking 20 minutes. But I'm going to do it. I want to dedicate myself to this. And also, I have to.....I have to change my life and my mindset. I'm lazy because I'm so overweight. Everything hurts when I walk or climb stairs. I have no idea how I got this way.....but self-pity isn't going to help.....doing something about it is. She'd like me to have as many veggies and fruits as possible and to eat no more than 4-5 times a day. And NO GRAZING!!! So I basically have to eat about 1200-1400 calories a day with exercise equaling about 150 minutes a week. (which honestly is nothing in comparison to what I used to do every morning)
At the end of the appointment with the nutritionist I sat down with the scheduler Bobbi (who ROCKS and is wicked funny). She got me into the next phase of my pre-surgery routine so quickly. Tuesday I am going to Fletcher Allen to have an Endoscopy and an Esophagram. The Endoscopy is an upper one and they will be giving me numbing meds for the back of my throat and then a heavy sedative for when the procedure will take place. They will put a scope (camera) down my throat and will show the surgeon images of the lining of my esophagus, stomach and upper duodenum. Of course I've read all the literature on it and am scared shitless. Honestly....I've worked myself up into a frenzy so that even Troy asking me how much the groceries were made me break into tears. The reason I'm having this is to see if I have a certain bacteria inside my stomach (they are taking a biopsy while they are in there) and to see if I have anything else that may become a complication during the surgery. I'm going to have an IV placed in me (yeah....another thing that sends me a bit into a frenzy) and the procedure goes like this: I will arrive, change into one of those ass showing gowns of embarassment. Then I will be asked to swallow a special type of paste that will numb my throat. This will help suppress the need to cough or gag when the endoscope is inserted. I will be given a combination of a sedative (for "relaxing") and a narcotic (for pain). I may insist they give me more of everything or I may have a panic attack. I'm high maintenance. I will have a mouth guard on to protect my teeth and the endoscope (I have a feeling the latter is more important to them) and then I will have to lie on my left side (no fucking idea why.) I guess the exam only lasts 5 minutes. Thank Freakin God. I'll have to wait to eat until after I get my gag reflex back (oh the inappropriate things I could say right now.) but I guess I don't have to worry about that because I am going right in to have an Esophagram. This is a test that looks at the throat going down into the stomach. I will have to drink 8 ounces of barium. This exam takes 30 minutes. More need of anxiety medication.
So tomorrow at noon I have to start fasting. I'm hoping I can just sleep most of the rest of the day after work tomorrow.....or I may kill someone. Hunger makes me homicidal.
:) That's the update. I'll write more after my experience Tuesday.
Wednesday, November 20, 2013
Crazy Doctor...
Hey all...I didn't forget about any of you...just been really busy!!!! So, I went to the Psychiatrist that the Bariatric Center has. It was weird....I've got a real bad opinion of most therapists/head doctors. The one I saw at Plainfield (both the therapist and the psychiatrist) were wonderful but this one at Fletcher Allen is one of the coldest I've been to so far. She was really formal...almost at times making me feel like I didn't deserve the surgery...like I didn't belong there. She kept asking me about the depression. Somehow on the questionnaire at the beginning (the introduction) I put on that I was looking forward to weight loss alleviating some of the depression I was feeling. She kept bringing up this factor.
Look, I'm not some idiot....I'm pretty aware that my depression will never be cured. But when I'm healthier (and I have been before) and more active....I'm suffer from less of the symptoms of the depression that sometimes overtakes my life. She asked me THREE times if I hurt myself. It was ridiculous how she made me feel. I know that she probably deals with a million ME's in a year but I don't CARE....it made me angry...hell, it still makes me angry!!!! She is going to call the therapist I've seen once. I feel judged....and its impeding my excitement about this process.
I meet with the surgeon and the nutritionist Friday morning. I'm excited about this but this nagging feeling in the back of my brain is completely bogging me down.....that this woman may make a decision about my mental well-being that will halt my progress. I don't know how to handle this...I don't how to make it better. Any ideas?
Look, I'm not some idiot....I'm pretty aware that my depression will never be cured. But when I'm healthier (and I have been before) and more active....I'm suffer from less of the symptoms of the depression that sometimes overtakes my life. She asked me THREE times if I hurt myself. It was ridiculous how she made me feel. I know that she probably deals with a million ME's in a year but I don't CARE....it made me angry...hell, it still makes me angry!!!! She is going to call the therapist I've seen once. I feel judged....and its impeding my excitement about this process.
I meet with the surgeon and the nutritionist Friday morning. I'm excited about this but this nagging feeling in the back of my brain is completely bogging me down.....that this woman may make a decision about my mental well-being that will halt my progress. I don't know how to handle this...I don't how to make it better. Any ideas?
Wednesday, November 6, 2013
Meet Ellen - my Nutritional Nightmare
Hello all. The realization of this process is sinking in and I can't say enough how supportive some people have been. A lot of first reactions were, "Um...work out and eat better....you don't need surgery." Those people avoided a punch in the face because I, too, doubted whether or not this was needed....or if I was just being lazy. Well, I'm not. I want to eat healthier....I want to be active....and I want this body of mine to cooperate. The surgery is not only an option that takes some balls...but its not EASY work...its actually more work than just dieting...because you have to diet AND exercise AND go through the surgery. Anyway.....the support I've had in the past few weeks has been wonderful and I really appreciate all the kind words and notes of encouragement.
The nutrition section of the presentation yesterday is probably the most daunting. We met with the nutritionist, Ellen. At first I wrote a note in my notebook that said, "Why do all nutritionists have to look so bitchy..." but as soon as she opened her mouth to start giving information, I fell in love. She's sweet, funny and she's been doing this long enough so she knows every trick and trade. (Including the ones she will catch us doing if we try to cheat.)
So no surprise, I have to keep a food diary. She said it was fine if we used some sort of electronic program. I've used SO many of these in the past....I'm still not sure which one I want to fully commit to. If anyone has any that have especially worked for them let me know. I know Myfitnesspal as I've used it in the past but since its been awhile...I wonder if any new and improved ones have rolled out.
So a few things that the nutritionist started with. First of all...(like I stated before) we are going to have to keep a fitness and food log. This program will do the calorie counting for me which I am so grateful for. I hate calorie counting manually. The goal is for us to improve our nutritional health. This means eating 3 times (at least) a day...with two of them being during busy times of my day and one of them at dinner which should be more relaxed and have LESS calories than the other two meals. I need to identify my eating behavior problems (I wanted to say...yeah good luck with that...I've been in therapy for this for years.) And of course I need to eat a balanced diets. More veggies. More salad. Less whites. Less carbs except the healthy ones. Lean proteins. You know...what I've been told my whole life.
Then there is the dreaded exercise. The minimum is 150 minutes a week. Of cardio. shoot me now. This summer I may have been more excited about this...because I love to walk. But I really hate the weather. Cold yuckiness. Bitch Moan Bitch. The goal is for me to lose at least 5 percent of my body weight before my surgery. This means...I have to lose 15 pounds basically in 6 months. I can do that...right?
Life after surgery is the most scary. I know that a person can get used to anything...esp when they change their behavioral problems with eating. But this scares the shit out of me. So for the first few weeks I will only be able to eat/drink clear liquids. Jello/Broth/Crystal Light. The two weeks or so after that I will switch to other liquids like proteins smoothies and light things like that....but higher protein. After that the next two weeks will be pureed foods (think squash soup or sweet potato puree...or fruit puree) After that I will gradually switch to solid foods. Then with those foods I have to eat a LOT slower, chew my food a LOT more and stop eating when I'm full (if not I'll puke it all up).
I will be taking supplements for the rest of my life. So I'll be pill popping :) Vitamin A, Calcium with Vitamin D, B12 and B complex, and probably an iron. After the surgery, exercise is a must to keep your muscles from being eaten away from the lack of calories. Doesn't that all sound wonderful? I'm completely overwhelmed. But I'm moving forward....
The nutrition section of the presentation yesterday is probably the most daunting. We met with the nutritionist, Ellen. At first I wrote a note in my notebook that said, "Why do all nutritionists have to look so bitchy..." but as soon as she opened her mouth to start giving information, I fell in love. She's sweet, funny and she's been doing this long enough so she knows every trick and trade. (Including the ones she will catch us doing if we try to cheat.)
So no surprise, I have to keep a food diary. She said it was fine if we used some sort of electronic program. I've used SO many of these in the past....I'm still not sure which one I want to fully commit to. If anyone has any that have especially worked for them let me know. I know Myfitnesspal as I've used it in the past but since its been awhile...I wonder if any new and improved ones have rolled out.
So a few things that the nutritionist started with. First of all...(like I stated before) we are going to have to keep a fitness and food log. This program will do the calorie counting for me which I am so grateful for. I hate calorie counting manually. The goal is for us to improve our nutritional health. This means eating 3 times (at least) a day...with two of them being during busy times of my day and one of them at dinner which should be more relaxed and have LESS calories than the other two meals. I need to identify my eating behavior problems (I wanted to say...yeah good luck with that...I've been in therapy for this for years.) And of course I need to eat a balanced diets. More veggies. More salad. Less whites. Less carbs except the healthy ones. Lean proteins. You know...what I've been told my whole life.
Then there is the dreaded exercise. The minimum is 150 minutes a week. Of cardio. shoot me now. This summer I may have been more excited about this...because I love to walk. But I really hate the weather. Cold yuckiness. Bitch Moan Bitch. The goal is for me to lose at least 5 percent of my body weight before my surgery. This means...I have to lose 15 pounds basically in 6 months. I can do that...right?
Life after surgery is the most scary. I know that a person can get used to anything...esp when they change their behavioral problems with eating. But this scares the shit out of me. So for the first few weeks I will only be able to eat/drink clear liquids. Jello/Broth/Crystal Light. The two weeks or so after that I will switch to other liquids like proteins smoothies and light things like that....but higher protein. After that the next two weeks will be pureed foods (think squash soup or sweet potato puree...or fruit puree) After that I will gradually switch to solid foods. Then with those foods I have to eat a LOT slower, chew my food a LOT more and stop eating when I'm full (if not I'll puke it all up).
I will be taking supplements for the rest of my life. So I'll be pill popping :) Vitamin A, Calcium with Vitamin D, B12 and B complex, and probably an iron. After the surgery, exercise is a must to keep your muscles from being eaten away from the lack of calories. Doesn't that all sound wonderful? I'm completely overwhelmed. But I'm moving forward....
Tuesday, November 5, 2013
Gastric Sleeve - What?
I have started this blog not only so that I can journal this journey in my life but also as a support blog for those of you that are experiencing the same thing or are curious about it. Obviously I'm not a professional and this is my sometimes humorous take on the process....but if you're reading this and you feel alone.....read on.
A few years ago I figured that at 35/36, I was just about dieted out. Nothing seemed to work since my big loss in 2003-2004. I had lost 100 pounds on the Atkins diet. It came off so easily and it made me motivated to work out. Of course I was 27/28. Damn metabolism...and laziness caught up with me. And here I am...at a whopping 280. 120 pounds up from where I was less than 10 years ago. At the time, I looked into Bariatric surgery. I attended an informational session at Dartmouth Hospital and was pretty turned off by the lap band surgery...and since the Gastric Sleeve really wasn't talked that much about....I turned that light bulb off in my head. For the next two/three years, I joined weight loss groups, Weight Watchers, MyFitnessPal, SparkPeople and everything bounced around. I got down to about 225 at one point but gained that all back after a hiatus from the gym for about a month. Then I broke my shoulder. And enter every excuse EVER right here.
So here I am...approaching 37....and absolutely out of options. My sleep apnea is so severe that I can't sleep without my machine or I literally wake up feeling like I almost died. I need to take back my life. And even with all the negative stigma around it....I'm going through with bariatric surgery. Today was the official start of my journey as I travelled to Fletcher Allen Bariatric Center to receive my first appointment time and an overview of the program.
The surgeons at Fletcher Allen seem pretty competent. They are experts in the bariatric field and have excellent reviews and results. The people I met today (the nurse, nutritionist, insurance manager) were extremely welcoming and informative. After a brief introduction to all the people on the bariatric team...we were given some of the lowdown.
The Gastric Sleeve (Sleeve Gasterctomy) reduces weight by restricting food intake. 84 percent of the stomach is removed (as well as the portion of the stomach that stimulated hunger - called ghrelin) and what is left will hold about 3-5 ounces of food at a time. This isn't a reversible surgery but is a convertible one which means that if I ever need to get the bypass surgery....my body could still handle that. Obviously with most surgeries there is a risk. For this one....the biggest risk is Staple Line Disruption. This basically a leak in the staples that close off the new "sleeve" stomach. The staples are made of Titanium and the nurse went into great detail about how secure the staples were (and then the stomach lining that is stitched in from the removed stomach to make it even more secure.) They have performed 205 Sleeves in the past few years and absolutely no person has had this problem. (Please knock on wood for me.) The pros for this surgery over the other is that your stomach volume is reduced without any risk of dumping (a term they use for when you eat shit and then have to GO shit) or not being able to absorb nutrients. The Anatomy is preserved (no rearranging) and there are no foreign bodies placed in my body. The cons: it isn't reversible and of course...the staple line leak.
So...my steps. First...I have to see the center's Psychiatrist before I can move forward in the process. Think I can act normal for a session? I don't think my craziness would keep me from being accepted into the program...in fact...a lot of my craziness comes from my lack of self-esteem and self-worth.....steered by my morbid obesity (has a ring to it right?) After the Psych appointment, I get to have my first official visit with the actual surgeon and the nutritionist. There is quite a process (lasting up to 9 months to a year) for this surgery....so if I'm not ready at the end of this journey...I never will be. I have to watch some sort of EMMI program which is a tutorial over what the procedure does. I have to watch this before my first official appointment. I'm a bit nervous about THAT. There are a lot of requirements to just get to the pre-approval part of the process. Where the insurance gives the center their go-ahead and I actually can SCHEDULE a surgery. I have to go to a support group meeting, a behavioral skills class and at least one nutrition appointment separate from the monthly visits.
I will have to undergo tests (and blood draws...UGH) and I will have to undergo a UGI and/or an EGD. Basically....while I'm sedated they are going to shove a scope down my throat. I'm thinking REALLY hard about NOT thinking about it. I hope the sedation is strong.
The nutritionist met with us this time as well. The nutrition guidelines and the expectations are tough. I'll write about them in my next post. Please drop me a comment if you find this blog by mistake or if you're one of the people in my life that I trust with this.
A few years ago I figured that at 35/36, I was just about dieted out. Nothing seemed to work since my big loss in 2003-2004. I had lost 100 pounds on the Atkins diet. It came off so easily and it made me motivated to work out. Of course I was 27/28. Damn metabolism...and laziness caught up with me. And here I am...at a whopping 280. 120 pounds up from where I was less than 10 years ago. At the time, I looked into Bariatric surgery. I attended an informational session at Dartmouth Hospital and was pretty turned off by the lap band surgery...and since the Gastric Sleeve really wasn't talked that much about....I turned that light bulb off in my head. For the next two/three years, I joined weight loss groups, Weight Watchers, MyFitnessPal, SparkPeople and everything bounced around. I got down to about 225 at one point but gained that all back after a hiatus from the gym for about a month. Then I broke my shoulder. And enter every excuse EVER right here.
So here I am...approaching 37....and absolutely out of options. My sleep apnea is so severe that I can't sleep without my machine or I literally wake up feeling like I almost died. I need to take back my life. And even with all the negative stigma around it....I'm going through with bariatric surgery. Today was the official start of my journey as I travelled to Fletcher Allen Bariatric Center to receive my first appointment time and an overview of the program.
The surgeons at Fletcher Allen seem pretty competent. They are experts in the bariatric field and have excellent reviews and results. The people I met today (the nurse, nutritionist, insurance manager) were extremely welcoming and informative. After a brief introduction to all the people on the bariatric team...we were given some of the lowdown.
The Gastric Sleeve (Sleeve Gasterctomy) reduces weight by restricting food intake. 84 percent of the stomach is removed (as well as the portion of the stomach that stimulated hunger - called ghrelin) and what is left will hold about 3-5 ounces of food at a time. This isn't a reversible surgery but is a convertible one which means that if I ever need to get the bypass surgery....my body could still handle that. Obviously with most surgeries there is a risk. For this one....the biggest risk is Staple Line Disruption. This basically a leak in the staples that close off the new "sleeve" stomach. The staples are made of Titanium and the nurse went into great detail about how secure the staples were (and then the stomach lining that is stitched in from the removed stomach to make it even more secure.) They have performed 205 Sleeves in the past few years and absolutely no person has had this problem. (Please knock on wood for me.) The pros for this surgery over the other is that your stomach volume is reduced without any risk of dumping (a term they use for when you eat shit and then have to GO shit) or not being able to absorb nutrients. The Anatomy is preserved (no rearranging) and there are no foreign bodies placed in my body. The cons: it isn't reversible and of course...the staple line leak.
So...my steps. First...I have to see the center's Psychiatrist before I can move forward in the process. Think I can act normal for a session? I don't think my craziness would keep me from being accepted into the program...in fact...a lot of my craziness comes from my lack of self-esteem and self-worth.....steered by my morbid obesity (has a ring to it right?) After the Psych appointment, I get to have my first official visit with the actual surgeon and the nutritionist. There is quite a process (lasting up to 9 months to a year) for this surgery....so if I'm not ready at the end of this journey...I never will be. I have to watch some sort of EMMI program which is a tutorial over what the procedure does. I have to watch this before my first official appointment. I'm a bit nervous about THAT. There are a lot of requirements to just get to the pre-approval part of the process. Where the insurance gives the center their go-ahead and I actually can SCHEDULE a surgery. I have to go to a support group meeting, a behavioral skills class and at least one nutrition appointment separate from the monthly visits.
I will have to undergo tests (and blood draws...UGH) and I will have to undergo a UGI and/or an EGD. Basically....while I'm sedated they are going to shove a scope down my throat. I'm thinking REALLY hard about NOT thinking about it. I hope the sedation is strong.
The nutritionist met with us this time as well. The nutrition guidelines and the expectations are tough. I'll write about them in my next post. Please drop me a comment if you find this blog by mistake or if you're one of the people in my life that I trust with this.
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